Bringing conflicts to a peak

Peace and happiness... Are they really necessary? Read on to find out how a real drama with scenes of grim helplessness could provide a welcome change.

1. Look for the bad things!
Think about everything bad, incompetent or unfriendly that the person you are dealing with has ever done or said to you. Using your brain here will help! Memories that came into being when you were in the same mood as the one you are in now are particularly easy to recall. You should therefore try to stay in a bad mood in the event of a conflict. Positive distractions such as short coffee breaks with nice colleagues or maybe even thinking about your next holiday should be avoided at all costs during this time.

2. Forget positive feelings!
If, in spite of these warnings, you should still feel something positive towards the other person, please forget these thoughts straight away! If this does not work, think of a negative interpretation along the lines of: "He only did that to achieve that and that. What a schemer!"

3. Be creative!
Use free association to come up with other negative ideas and therefore the most unpleasant feelings possible. Does the person you are arguing with not remind you of the uncle who always treated you so unfairly? After all, he too had a beard! The person who always brought your brothers and sisters chocolate but never gave you any? Can you still remember those feelings of envy, loneliness and anger? Great! In your head, attach these personal memories and associations to your mental image of the other person involved in the conflict.

4. Act while your anger is still fresh!
Here we go: the person you are dealing with has said something that has made you slightly angry inside. The first thing you need to do is fan the flames! Doing nothing after an attack often results in you calming down or even unwittingly understanding the other person's viewpoint. To seize the opportunities offered by the conflict, you need to react as quickly as possible. A relevant insult or at least a strong reproach is a good way to enter into the conflict.

Dipl.-Psych. Linda Schroeter


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